Thursday, 13 July 2017

5 Words Or Phrases I Irrationally HATE



I'm not going to lie to you, reader. This isn't going to be the most coherent, inspiring or thought-provoking post I'll ever write. But I just need to get this off my chest, OK?

We all have certain things that annoy us, don't we? Well, with me these things are often words or phrases. Ones that I hear once and think, "hmm, bit annoying but OK" but then over time become so overused that they set my teeth on edge. Here are the words and phrases that irritate me the most at present:

1. Hack

Everything's a flipping 'hack' nowadays. Writing hacks, parenting hacks, cleaning hacks, breathing hacks probably. People. Think about what a hack actually IS. It used to mean something dodgy or badly done. If someone was a 'hack writer' they were sensationalist, formulaic, even dishonest. Do you really want to call these handy tips you're sharing HACKS?

OK, so let's go with the idea that it's come to mean something that saves time, effort and/or money. But the hyperbole around these lists of 'hacks' is ridiculous. '16 Life Hacks That'll Change Your World'. '20 Cooking Hacks That'll Blow Your Mind'. Sorry, read them back. Are they really that mind-blowing or life-changing? Yeah it's handy knowing you can pull baby vests down to take them off, but it's hardly revolutionised my life. Calm down.

2. Bantz

This is another one that seems to be suddenly everywhere at the moment. I'm not even fully sure what it means but it provokes a visceral reaction in me. I loathe it. I avoid anything attached to the word. Besides, from what I gather it seems to cover everything from well-intended teasing to being plain obnoxious or worse. If you want to be rude, be honest about it. Or, y'know, think about what being rude will actually achieve and realise it's probably not worth it. Either way, don't hide behind 'bantz'.

3. Date Night

I don't even know why I hate this one so much. Perhaps it's nothing more than bitterness because my children are currently so rubbish at going to bed and/or staying asleep that inflicting them on a babysitter is out of the question. But it's just so twee. I'm not dating any more, I'm married, my dating days are well over. If we do ever get to go out again, I'll call it just that - going out. Going for a meal. Going to the cinema.

There's also the pressure that goes with it. 'Oh you must have date night', 'oh you should have a date night at least once a month'. I often wonder if our grandparents ever got 'date nights'. I doubt it. There are other ways of keeping a relationship healthy than having a monthly trip to a restaurant, I'm sure. Besides, if we do ever go out we'd probably just talk about the kids anyway.

4. Good Baby

Every parent knows this one. 'Is s/he a good baby?' Yep, we know what you're asking. You're asking if s/he sleeps. And you know the answer don't you? The answer is NO s/he doesn't sleep, s/he's a flipping BABY. Yes, some people get lucky with a good sleeper but by and large all babies suck at sleeping. Why put a value judgement on that? It's not that s/he's good or bad. It's just what babies do. Stop making mums worry that their baby is 'bad'!

5. Butter Wouldn't Melt

I've saved my most irrational til last. Ever since I first heard this phrase I've hated it. It actually makes me feel a little sick because it makes me imagine having a mouth full of butter. But the thing I think that bothers me most about the phrase is that it's meant to describe someone who's cool, but it's possibly the least cool phrase in existence. It's painfully old-fashioned. It's a bit like when people say 'the bee's knees'. It's an anachronism, an oxymoron, it has no place in modern society PLEASE STOP MAKING ME IMAGINE HAVING BUTTER IN MY MOUTH.

And breathe.

Do you agree with me on any of these? Or do you want to put up an impassioned defence for one of them? What words or phrases make your skin crawl? Do let me know!

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