Wednesday, 4 October 2017

We Don't Go On Dates. But It's Fine.

Today's Blogtober prompt is 'Date'. I've been wracking my brains about what to write - what kind of 'date' do I go for? Calendar? Fruit? Romantic? I opted for the last one which is a bit odd because ... well ... my husband and I don't really go on dates these days.



First of all, as I've said before, we're not dating. We're married. To me, dating is about getting to know someone to see if you're compatible enough to settle down together. We're very much settled. Over 11 years of settled. And that's just counting since we got married - we've been a couple for close to 14 years now.

Secondly, we don't go out very much just the two of us. Since having Eleanor I think we've been out in the evening together three times - once just to have a quick drink (the pubs were packed, we were home in about an hour), once for a friend's birthday meal and once for a meal just the two of us. That's three potential 'dates' in almost six years.

But do you know what? We're OK with it. We're happy, we know we love each other, it's all good. So why do I feel a bit embarrassed about this?

There's a lot of pressure to get back out on 'date nights' after having kids. I get it, for some people it's important. They feel it gives them a chance to relax, to have quality time together, to get away from being parents. And it's fine to feel like that. But it's also fine to not want to go through all the hassle of finding a babysitter, getting your kids primed to accept a babysitter and so on.

For us, going out together right now would be a logistical nightmare. Ezra goes to bed between 6.30 and 7pm, then we have to try and keep Eleanor quiet until she goes up at around 7.30pm. She reads until 8pm then it's lights out. Sometimes she falls asleep quickly. Usually there's another 30-60 minutes of, "mummyyyy, daddyyy," followed by suddenly important questions and things she urgently needs to tell us that she had forgotten about up until now. Then, when she's finally asleep, Ezra will often wake up at around 9.30pm wanting milk. How exactly would we fit a 'date' in there? And if we could, how would we have the energy to move off the sofa?!

Some people will say this is a problem of our own making. Because we don't sleep train, because Ezra is 'still' breastfeeding. But actually, it's not a problem to us. We've accepted that for this relatively short period in our marriage, we have small children who need us in the evening. In two or three years time, chances are things will have changed and we'll be happier leaving them with a babysitter. That hope is enough for now.

I'd love to say we have 'dates' at home - candlelit dinners, movie night etc - but we eat with the kids and I don't think we could stay awake through a movie at the moment! But for me, romantic nights (whether out or at home) aren't they way I feel loved. It's little things like my husband buying cake on a midweek trip to the shops, or making me a cup of tea every morning, or showing appreciation for something I've done. That's what's more important to me.

Anyone else out there who will admit to not going on 'dates' and being fine with that?!

#Blogtober17

8 comments:

  1. My fella and I don't really go on dates now either...We would much rather just have a cosy night in. There'll be plenty of time for dates when the kids have grown up. hehehe x

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    1. Exactly - leaving the house takes too much energy. Yay for cosy nights in!!

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  2. I remember having all the 'rod for my own back' nonsense comments when I was breastfeeding, we didn't go on dates and weren't particularly bothered. I feel the same as you, dates are for getting to know each other really. Coming home from work tonight to tea on the table is worth far more to me that hearts and flowers! x #blogtober17

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    1. Sounds like we're quite similar, I'm not really a hearts and flowers type either, but my husband saying I can have the last piece of cake - well, that's love right there.

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  3. Like you we never go out on dates anymore, i much prefer when we go for a nice family day out. Olivia is now 2 and a half and we have been out twice during that time.

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    1. Yes, same, I like going out as a family - although as the kids get older that is becoming more stressful! Twice in two and half years is good going by my standards, we're averaging once every two years!!

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  4. I think you've absolutely the right attitude!! This period right now is temporary, you're doing best by your family!! #Blogtober17

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