Friday, 27 October 2017

Parents' Facebook Statuses Translated

I have a bit of a love hate relationship with Facebook. I love being able to keep in touch with friends and family no matter what the distance, it's great for sharing articles and ideas, and it's a good way of finding out about local events, items for sale etc etc.

But, on the days when things aren't going so well, or when I'm just having a down day. On those days it seems like my feed is full of people having a wonderful time with their lives going oh so smoothly. And it just adds to my bad mood.

Of course, I know that people generally only show their best side on Facebook. I know that because, most of the time, I do it too. We all do, don't we? But it's still grating when you've had a terrible night's sleep and see another parent posting about their younger kid sleeping through, isn't it?

So, for those times when you're in a Facebook-hating mood, here are some handy translations of common Facebook statuses by parents. (No judgement intended. I've almost definitely written similar ones to these.)

Status: My little angel has slept through! After two long months! At last!!
Translation: Yes I really do think two months is long. Just don't tell me about the four month sleep regression, yeah?

Status: Wow, Tommy just rolled over! He's such a clever boy!
Translation: I'm so bored of dealing with an immobile baby all day that I'm ascribing intelligence to a normal developmental milestone.

Status: Check out Janey enjoying her first meal! (Including photo of baby smeared in porridge/apple puree/baby rice.)
Translation: She ate precisely none of it. And I'm posting this an hour later because I've only just got her clean.

Status: We have a walker! So proud!!
Translation: We're suspending all precious/breakable/hazardous objects from the ceiling right now.

Status: Potty training is going so well, two wees in the potty already!
Translation: I'm not going to mention the ten on the floor. Or the fact I caught those wees mid-stream by diving across the floor with the potty in hand.

Status: First day at nursery/pre-school. My baby's growing up so fast! I'm going to miss him sooo much!
Translation: Well, yeah, I am, but I'll mainly be drinking hot tea, eating things I normally have to hide in the cupboard and going to the loo by myself, so I'll be fine.

Status: So annoying when you child learns to read and has to read every sign you walk past!!
Translation: Yes, this is a massive humblebrag.

Status: First day of school! (Including photo of child standing in front of the door in their uniform.)
Translation: There is no subtext here. This tradition is so commonplace your child is actually not allowed to enrol at school until you've taken that photo.

Status: So proud of Susie! Just got back from parent's evening and she's doing so well!
Translation: Which was a massive surprise because she always claims she's done 'nothing' at school and says her reading books are 'boring'.

So next time you read a status like this on a bad day, just remember all the stuff the parent is leaving out!

Linking up with Day 27 of #Blogtober17 - Facebook.



  1. hahaha! I love this. I have written a few of these in the past x

    1. Yep me too! Although not the potty training one, that was a disaster with my first!!

  2. I'm sure I've written a few of these - we definitely did the photo by the front door on the first day of school! #blogtober

    1. Of course you did, he wouldn't have been allowed through the school gates otherwise!